I'm Lydia. I'm Indonesian.
Hmmm about me?
I'm an easy going, a quiet talkative, and a dreamer type person.^^~
Suddenly I remember about what I felt around a months ago.
When I was online and write a story, suddenly I feel so bad! So damn bad! My tears came out unwittingly, I feel so sad. Really sad. Then when I closed my eyes for a while, I saw something there.
It seems like a ship deck, a dark sea with a little bit of moon reflection, and a man who stood there alone. He was cry. I feel like could feel what he feels that time. I cried so bad too without any reasons. I told to my friends and they didn’t believe it.
Is it true? Is it have a relation with what happened yesterday?
There will be so many things around us that we see, say, hear, feel, touch, do and hold. It could be some things that we wanted or needed. Have you be thankful for it?
Amongs that all things, there will be some small things, a simple things that we’re forget to thankful sometimes. Breath, smile, laugh, tears, help, words, and love.
Day by day I always try to be thankful with all of simple things in my life. Wake up every morning with a good health, smile with some cute or funny things that I found in daily, laugh and cares that I get from some people, and good support words. And words is one of small thing that I say to thankful.
These days, I learn something from the others life.
Only words. A simple thing to do. To cheers him when he back home and feel tired. To filling his empty heart and feel beloved. To support his daily activities. To care him when nobody around him. I only have words with me for him.
Sometimes I feel stupid with this all things, create my own story in his DM, so he can read it when he coming back home and cheering him up. Forget his tired from tight scheds all day long. But I only can do this for him.^^~
The other small thing is nagging. Did you know it will be your habbits when you used to nagging with all of things you see, hear, or have? And when you can’t nagging with something, you will find another reason for nagging.
Have you ever see someone trashing in public place? Maybe you will nagging and nothing to do. Then what the effect? Nothing! How about if you take the trash and put in trashcan without nagging? You already make a good thing hmm~^^
This morning I heard about PYC’s ex-managernim. My deep condolences for my bias. Hope he can through it wisely and be tough.
Only words that I can give to cheer up PYC. Only words that I can use to pray for PYC. Only words that I can give to you all for read.
Beware with your words. Cause it same as your pray!^^~
True love is …
When I find someone special who I can feel like coming back home. A warm home and family.
Today is November 24th,2013.
Along this year I have so much things different in my life.
What you are be grateful then?
Maybe for you, but not me.
This year I learn so much things. I learn how to ‘picky’ to find a good friends, who can support your dreams, who can say ‘Hey, you may not say that JUST a dream. You can reach that all!’, and some friends who can reaaaalllyyy become a story-listener, then give you an advice, some friends who can learn something with you.
Even I’m never meet them all, a lot of friends from MP and RPW, but they look like real for me. Why it feels different with my real-physic friends? Dunno! Hahahaha~~
When I can’t have a support from family, my virtual friends always be there for me. Be grateful for that.^^~
A few weeks lately, I found someone who loves me. Even it just a virtual love, but when I set my mind on, feels like real. When I comeback to reality, I set it off. And I should be grateful too for him.
I have a lot of friends who I can talk with about anything. Since I’m stay at home lonely and have no real-physic friends, so they are my amusing park. I can laugh, I can be wise, I can be aegyo, I can feel sad, a lot of feelings that I never get it again along more than 5 years. Be grateful too for them.Be grateful too cause I’m still alive, breathing, feel something, laughing, crying, learning anything, doing anything, and have anything I need.^^~
And last is my wish for my birthday.
Happy birthday for myself. Thanks God for all many things and leasons You give to me in my daily. 생일 축하합니다 왕현상이!!^^~
Today I feel so happy and confuse in a same time.
Actually he was expect that I will be mad of him, blame him, hate him so much as I can, and ignore him. But I can’t do that. I have no reason for doing that thing. I’m not born for hating, I’m born for loving.
I don’t know how to hate people, even they hurt me so deep. I still can give them a smile sincerely. I ever try to hate someone, but I can’t live my life peacefully.
If I angry, it’s mean I’m still care of you. But actually, I’m not really angry.
He thought that he hurts me a lots, feels guilty with it, tries to do anything for pay back. If he knows, that I ever got a big wound in my heart, and it’s not healed yet. His fault is not comparable.
When I knew he’s comeback to me, it’s so much enough for me.
I don’t know how to explain it.
I only know…
“Love for a Lonely Heart” is different with “Love for a Ready Heart”.
Day by day I learn not to nagging.
Even from my mouth or mind.
Because once I nagging with small thing, I will nagging until it become a big thing.
And it will be a bad habbit.^^~
When you should release something that you really wanted. Try to release it! Then you will see God gives you more than you expected before.
When we meet someday, touch my eyes.
You will know there was some tears fall down while I’m missing you.
When we meet someday, touch my ears.
You will know that I always hear your voice while you singing.
When we meet someday, touch my lips.
You will know that I always say your name everyday.
When we meet someday, touch my hand.
You will know that I always pray for you everynight.
When we meet someday, touch my feet.
You will know, because of you I have a strenght to stand tall.
When we meet someday, feel my heart.
And you will know, there’s a special place I prepare for you to stay.
Actually it’s good when you can show your love for someone special. Tell to her/him that you have a feeling for them. And if they have a same feeling too, you will happy for it.
But for me, I more comfortable as an admirer. No need to show what I feel for him openly, no need to tell my feeling for him. Just keep it myself.
Why? How about he has same feeling for me?
Hmm~ As admirer, I won’t be affraid if he has no feeling for me, I won’t be affraid if my heart will hurt if he get along with someone else. And I don’t need extra hardwork to make him knows I love him. Cause that will be tired. Hahaha~^^
If he has a same feeling? Hmm~ That’s admirer advantage.^^~
Some friends said that someone who have me as girlfriend or wife, gonna be the luckiest guy in the world. But in fact, I never have a long-time relationship. I didn’t know why. I only know, it was hurt. And I’m trauma with that.
Then now, I prefer to be admirer. Love him from far far away, cause we are in different country. Hahaha~^^
As admirer, I still know any news about him, love him without any risk, and any burden.^^~